hey boat,

well- i sure as hell ain't cohesive. i call myself many things, half of them unplesant, right now i believe that "lunatic" is the only one that fits. and by lunatic i am not making some obscure reference to the moon and time. i'm a crazy ball of light and fire. i am feeling a thousand things at once, and i feel so dangerously on the verge. theres a cliff and i believe my toes are hanging over the edge. if i was bipolar i sure as hell would be considered manic now. ive been so mistreated, it almost causes me to laugh. i'm so ridiculously used to being on my own and picking myself up. i'm a survior, among a thousand other things. i use words against me and my own thoughts try to break me. i'm surrounded by conflict, even when i'm starring in the mirror. oh boat, once again i want things i can't have. and once again, it's more complicated than that. there are things i want that i can't have, that i really want. there are also things i want that i should not have that i don't really want, but i'm greedy, so i'll just want. and then there are things that i think might be good (but would probably be bad) so i want. and there are even more things that i want just for the sake of wanting, because wanting is something i know so very well. i have a thousand words and full of want. oh the cusp, danger danger will robinson. you think i'd learn my lesson by now, however then what would i do for the next 60 years? wheel o fortune, misshappen size. such a sad sad demise. oh mother boat, my eyes are tired and i can't stop smiling and i'm sure in a few hours ill be filled with nothing but tears. lies lies lies. i suppose this is what it's like to be young and free. i wish you could hold my hand, and say my name but i suppose i'll just have to close my eyes and go to bed- and hope to dream. xoxo t

Dear Boat=Dear Diary...only better.

Dear Boat,

I like the idea of writing to you. And I would like to tell you that the week is over (more or less) and I am sitting on my living room floor and I don't have a million things that have to be done right this second. So I can write to you, and that is nice. I hope that my body will now begin to de-zombify itself, because that's the scariest thing when the world goes crazy and it's harder to keep up. But now it's time for a break. Sort of. I think I shall start it off by going to bed disgustingly early.

Goodnight Boat.

oh boat,

there are times when i love, and times when i hate. right now my heart is so full with love. the kind of love that comes from unplucked flowers and the perfect amount of dew. right now i am home and i am happy. it's such a state of mind where everything feels like love and my gestures just make more sense. dear boat i am happy, for today, for this moment. i am happy. i have a sense of warmth even in this cold air conditioned room. boat, i am loved by my family of friends and respected by those around me. boat, i'm strong- even if i don't like to show it. me oh my, dear dear boat i want you to have this moment. to exist, and to know that you'll be alright, just with your own sense of direction, it'll be enough and you'll be able to wake up tomorrow morning, wait for the cable guy, and then go to the market and you're on your way to tomorrow. it makes me happy for i am happy. god good boat, something tells me i might survive this whole mess. time like these. see you around boat.

love, t